What Is The Proper Social Media Etiquette? There Is No Such Thing.

"Do you hear me? Do you care? ...

What are words for, when no one listens at all?"

 

- Missing Persons, "Words"

 

What is the proper social media etiquette? The question is moot because such a thing doesn't exist.

When it comes to social media, forget any rules you may have learned about how to conduct yourself in polite society. When it comes to rules for Facebook, in particular, there are no rules.

The paradox of Facebook is its random and anonymous nature. Facebook may fall into the category of "social media," but there are many occasions when it doesn't feel sociable at all. When you post something, your "Friends" can choose to totally ignore it, and that's perfectly acceptable.

This is the opposite, of course, of what happens when you interact with friends, family and coworkers in person. If you were at a party with a group of friends and shared an experience or some personal insight, in order not to hurt your feelings, they'll comment on what you said or at least give you the "courtesy laugh" - even if your comment wasn't as clever and witty as you'd like to think. Or at the very least, they'll nod in acknowledgement.

"Liking" a comment on Facebook is the social media equivalent of nodding in acknowledgment. It's a quick way to let someone know that you've "heard" what they've said, even if you don't care to join in the conversation they've started. And you can "like" a comment even if you don't necessarily agree with their statement.

I "like" Facebook Friends' posts all the time, especially when I've only got a limited amount of time and don't want to get caught up in a lengthy discussion. But there are times when it's perplexing when people "like" posts instead of commenting.

For example, why do people "like" posts that ask a direct question and are clearly looking for a written response? For example, if I post, "What is your favorite color?" and someone "likes" my post instead of stating something along the lines of "I like blue," isn't that totally defeating the purpose?

If you don't have a favorite color, just say so. It's perfectly acceptable to respond with something along the lines of, "I don't really have a favorite color, but people tell me I look great in blue."

And if you don't have an opinion about colors and/or can't think of something to say, why "like" the question at all? Just ignore it and keep scrolling!

And on the flip side, what if someone responded to my post, "What is your favorite color?" with the following comment: "I like red. What's your favorite color, Chris?" What if I responded by "liking" their comment? They took the time to read and comment on my post, but I respond with a "like" instead of answering their direct question? Is that polite?

(By the way, I don't necessarily have a favorite color, but friends have told me I look good in blue.)

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Some Facebook stats:

 

Average amount of posts that can appear in a Facebook user's feed each day: 1,500 (as of April 3, 2014)

 

Percent of Facebook users who "liked" a post: 33.8 percent (as of May 12, 2014)

 

Percent of Facebook users who shared a post: 26.7 percent (as of May 12, 2014)

 

Source: Expandedramblings.com

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"Liking" a Facebook post instead of commenting when someone poses a direct question is the social media equivalent of running into someone in person and they ask you with sincerity, "How are you doing?" and you respond with a faint smile and say nothing.

While it may not be intentionally rude to smile and keep your mouth shut when someone sincerely inquires about your well-being, this gesture certainly doesn't reciprocate the other person's warmth and generosity of spirit.

And just as "liking" a Facebook post in the form of a direct question could confuse the person who made the post, faintly smiling when someone asks how you're doing leaves the other person wondering. Does the faint smile mean you're dealing with some hardship but don't want to go into the gory details? Does the fact that you didn't say anything mean you resent my prying into your business, when I was just trying to be nice? Who knows...

This blog entry is part of a series on "The Perils of Social Media." In my next post, which I plan to publish on Monday, Oct. 20, I'll explore why responding when people comment on your Facebook posts may seem like the polite thing to do, but can actually have the opposite effect and could discourage people from commenting on your posts at all.