I shared a recent trip to the dentist for a checkup that should have been routine but turned into an aggravating encounter that nearly spoiled my evening.
I scheduled the appointment for 5:45 p.m., giving myself what I thought would be a comfortable cushion from the time I get off at 5 to make it from my office in downtown Columbus, Ohio, to an east side suburb called Reynoldsburg.
It's not that long of a commute, but by the time I walked to the parking lot, 15 to 20 minutes had already gone by. And driving just 20 to 25 minutes in rush-hour traffic, even in perfect weather like on this particular mid-September day, can be stressful.
When I arrived at the dentist's office shortly after 5:50, I breathed a sigh of relief. Being five to 10 minutes late is no big deal, right? I think everyone should get a "give or take 15 minutes" window for appointments.
However, when I walked into the dentist's office, the first thing a young woman at the front desk said to me was, "You're late."
This, of course, put me on the defensive. "Oh, so you're the timekeeper?" I shot back sarcastically.
With equal sarcasm, she replied, "Yes, I keep track of appointments. It's my responsibility to keep time."
After taking some time to cool down in the waiting room, I apologized to the young woman, but added, "After rushing to get here in start-and-stop traffic all the way from downtown, no one wants to hear, 'You're late,' the first thing when they walk in the door." She was pleasant and also apologized, and we "made up."
After relating the story to my family, my mom commented that my initial gruff reaction to the young woman's comment about my tardiness was like I was channeling my late grandparents, who could rip someone to shreds if they felt they were being disrespected.
However, upon further reflection, I realized my encounter with the young woman at the dentist's office was more like a "Larry David moment."
That encounter could have totally been an episode of David's hilarious HBO sitcom Curb Your Enthusiasm, in which the writer and Seinfeld co-creator goes around getting in funny confrontations with people, wreaking havoc in the greater Los Angeles area. David is an equal-opportunity offender, unafraid to verbally joust with self-important celebrities as well as everyday people.
If my dentist's office encounter had been an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, it would have ended much differently. Rather than apologize and make nice with the young woman who had pointed out my lateness, we would have gotten into a verbal sparring match that would have escalated into shouting and I would have stormed out, knocking over some priceless vase that could never be replaced.
And then later on in the episode, I'd be at Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen's house for their anniversary dinner and would discover, in melodramatic horror, that the young woman from the dentist office was also a dinner guest. She would be seated directly across from me, of course, so we'd be forced to make eye contact and I'd find out she's the girlfriend of some high-powered network exec that I'm trying to get to greenlight my new TV show.
When the young lady pointed out that I'm the jerk from the dentist's office earlier in the day, I'd at first deny vehemently it. I'd try unsuccessfully to hide my face behind a dinner napkin, feigning a ridiculously loud and disgusting hacking cough and grossing out everyone at the dinner table. But unable to contain my caustic wit, I'd end up in another shouting match with the young woman and storm out of the anniversary party.
As I was making my grand exit, the young woman would bellow at my back, "Be careful, since you're such a big klutz!" She would proceed to humiliate me in front of all my friends by informing everyone at the party in an obnoxiously self-righteous tone that the priceless vase I'd broken at her office earlier in the day was actually something that her high-powered TV executive boyfriend had spent months to find. She had accompanied him to painstakingly comb antique stores all over L.A., searching selflessly for the perfect anniversary gift for Danson and Steenburgen.
Maybe I should pitch this episode idea to Larry David?
When I arrived at the dentist's office shortly after 5:50, I breathed a sigh of relief. Being five to 10 minutes late is no big deal, right? I think everyone should get a "give or take 15 minutes" window for appointments.
However, when I walked into the dentist's office, the first thing a young woman at the front desk said to me was, "You're late."
This, of course, put me on the defensive. "Oh, so you're the timekeeper?" I shot back sarcastically.
With equal sarcasm, she replied, "Yes, I keep track of appointments. It's my responsibility to keep time."
After taking some time to cool down in the waiting room, I apologized to the young woman, but added, "After rushing to get here in start-and-stop traffic all the way from downtown, no one wants to hear, 'You're late,' the first thing when they walk in the door." She was pleasant and also apologized, and we "made up."
After relating the story to my family, my mom commented that my initial gruff reaction to the young woman's comment about my tardiness was like I was channeling my late grandparents, who could rip someone to shreds if they felt they were being disrespected.
However, upon further reflection, I realized my encounter with the young woman at the dentist's office was more like a "Larry David moment."
That encounter could have totally been an episode of David's hilarious HBO sitcom Curb Your Enthusiasm, in which the writer and Seinfeld co-creator goes around getting in funny confrontations with people, wreaking havoc in the greater Los Angeles area. David is an equal-opportunity offender, unafraid to verbally joust with self-important celebrities as well as everyday people.
If my dentist's office encounter had been an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, it would have ended much differently. Rather than apologize and make nice with the young woman who had pointed out my lateness, we would have gotten into a verbal sparring match that would have escalated into shouting and I would have stormed out, knocking over some priceless vase that could never be replaced.
And then later on in the episode, I'd be at Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen's house for their anniversary dinner and would discover, in melodramatic horror, that the young woman from the dentist office was also a dinner guest. She would be seated directly across from me, of course, so we'd be forced to make eye contact and I'd find out she's the girlfriend of some high-powered network exec that I'm trying to get to greenlight my new TV show.
When the young lady pointed out that I'm the jerk from the dentist's office earlier in the day, I'd at first deny vehemently it. I'd try unsuccessfully to hide my face behind a dinner napkin, feigning a ridiculously loud and disgusting hacking cough and grossing out everyone at the dinner table. But unable to contain my caustic wit, I'd end up in another shouting match with the young woman and storm out of the anniversary party.
As I was making my grand exit, the young woman would bellow at my back, "Be careful, since you're such a big klutz!" She would proceed to humiliate me in front of all my friends by informing everyone at the party in an obnoxiously self-righteous tone that the priceless vase I'd broken at her office earlier in the day was actually something that her high-powered TV executive boyfriend had spent months to find. She had accompanied him to painstakingly comb antique stores all over L.A., searching selflessly for the perfect anniversary gift for Danson and Steenburgen.
Maybe I should pitch this episode idea to Larry David?
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