The Best of 2014: Let's Party Like It's 1984!

For someone who's been a lifelong Prince fan, 2014 was a very big year. Not  only did "Purple Rain" mark its 30th anniversary, Prince released two new albums. His longtime collaborator, percussionist extraordinaire Sheila E., also released a new album as well as her autobiography.

So my "best of" list this year is pretty Prince-centric. Not everything on the list is related to the Minneapolis genius, but in 2014, we Prince fans were partying like it's 1984.

Here's my list:

Music

 

My "best of" selection for the music category is a two-way tie: Prince's "Art Official Age" and Sheila E.'s aptly-titled "Icon."

 

"Art Official Age" is classic Prince, and it marks his return to Warner Bros. Records, where he did much of his best work in the late '70s, '80s and '90s. The new album features party jams like "Funknroll," which recalls "Housequake" from '87's "Sign o' the Times" and "love doctor" grooves like "Breakfast Can Wait." You can read my full review of "Art Official Age" by clicking this link.  

 

Sheila E. was a working musician long before she met Prince in the late '70s and has continued to perform and record with a wide variety of artists since leaving his camp in the late '80s.

 

"Icon" marks Sheila's return as a phenomenal solo artist in her own right. From Latin-flavored dance tracks like "Fiesta" to introspective ballads like "Who I Am Now" to upbeat pop ditties like "Lovely Day," this album is the best of the best of any year. You can read my full review of "Icon" by clicking this link.

 

Books

 

Okay, I told you this list was going to be Prince-centric. And my picks for the "best of" in the books category both relate to His Royal Badness: Sheila E.'s excellent memoir "To the Beat of My Own Drum" and Alan Light's engaging "Let's Go Crazy: Prince and the Making of Purple Rain."

 

In her memoir, Sheila is admirably candid about the events of her amazing life, from surviving childhood sexual abuse at the hands of extended family and becoming a tireless advocate for abused children, to being one of the few high-profile female percussionists in a male-dominated industry, to her long-standing musical and personal relationship with Prince. In this page-turner, Sheila drops revelations that even I, a fan since her 1984 debut with "The Glamorous Life" had no idea about, including the fact that she and Prince were indeed lovers and were once engaged.

 

I recommend "To the Beat of My Own Drum" for anyone who loves music and inspirational stories about overcoming adversity and succeeding when there's no one else who does quite what you do. You can read my full review of Sheila's memoir by clicking this link.

 

In "Let's Go Crazy," Light marks the 30th anniversary of "Purple Rain" by giving us fans a fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the making of Prince's groundbreaking movie and soundtrack. He offers insider perspectives from those who knew Prince best, from members of the Revolution to "Purple Rain" director Albert Magnoli.

 

And the best part is that Light, a journalist with "Rolling Stone" and other top publications, is a fan himself. He confesses that growing up in Cincinnati, he and his high school classmates were so obsessed with Prince that they devoted a locker to him, with a poster of The Purple One hanging inside.

 

If you're interested in music, filmmaking and show business, in general, you'll enjoy this book - whether you're into Prince or not.

 

Movies

 

This is where my list departs from Prince's kingdom, but doesn't stray very far. My pick for the best movie of the year is "Beyond the Lights" by writer/director Gina Prince-Bythewood ("Love & Basketball"). This romantic drama tells the riveting story of a young biracial pop star (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) who goes through an identity crisis and yearns to break free of the hyper-sexualized image she's been forced into by her record label and well-meaning yet overbearing stage mother (a well-cast Minnie Driver).

 

Along the way, the young star finds love with an African-American police officer (Nate Parker) who saves her life when she attempts suicide by jumping from a hotel balcony. The movie also has a powerful supporting performance by Danny Glover as the police officer's father.

 

"Beyond the Lights" has so many important things to say about how women are marketed in the cutthroat music business and the importance of being authentic.

 

An honorable mention is another movie starring Mbatha-Raw, the costume drama "Belle." Directed by Amma Asante, "Belle" tells the real-life story of Dido Elizbeth Belle, a free woman of color in the 1700s.  We need more movies like "Belle," which tell the full history of people of African descent.

 

Television

 

I love the new ABC sitcom "Cristela," which stars Mexican-American comedian Cristela Alonzo as a law intern living with extended family as she tries to build her career. I don't watch much TV, but I always make a point to tune in to see what Cristela is up to every week. And I'm looking forward to January, when legendary sitcom star Roseanne Bar joins the cast.

 

This is my last blog post of 2014 before I take a holiday break and begin posting regularly again on Monday, Jan. 5. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 

 

 

 

Yuletide Memories of My Grandparents

People die only when we forget them… If you remember me, I will be with you always. - Isabelle Allende

This is the time of year to get together with family and to reflect on times with those who have passed on. I'd like to share a couple of my favorite memories of my late maternal grandparents, Beverly Ross and Bob Bourne:

One of my most distinct memories of my grandmother Beverly, who passed away in 1999 at the age of 67, is going to the movies. Like many people of her generation, she referred to the movies as "the show" - short for "picture show."

Granny, as I called her, was one of the hippest, most stylish women of any age. Into her 60s, she stayed current on pop culture and passed on her love of movies, music, celebrity and all things Hollywood to my mom and I. Adorning a wall in Granny's apartment in the '80s was the album cover for Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for the Money," which my grandmother would sing while getting ready to go into work as a nurse at the state mental hospital.

I don't know many preteen boys whose idea of fun is hanging out with their grandmother, but I had so much fun going to "the show" with Granny. Back before the rise of the multiplex, my grandmother and I would take the bus (she didn't drive) to the neighborhood movie theater in the Town & Country Shopping Center, the nation's first strip mall that opened in the '50s in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio.

The movies I saw with Granny are quintessentially '80s: "Fright Night," "Weird Science," "Beverly Hills Cop." Obviously, my grandmother had eclectic taste and was much more liberal and adventurous than many women her age. From campy vampire horror to silly teen sex comedies to funny action movies with the foul-mouthed yet charming Eddie Murphy, Granny enjoyed it all. And going to the show with her are memories I'll always cherish…  

When I think of my grandfather, Bob Bourne, who passed away in '04 at the age of 83, I remember his generosity. And I think of him often, since I'm his namesake - my first name is Robert and I go by my middle name, Chris. (The reason my last name, Bournea, is slightly different than his is because for some odd reason, an "A" was added to the end of my name on my birth certificate.) 

One of my fondest memories of Daddy Bob, as I called him, is when I was in sixth grade at Holy Spirit, a Catholic school in an east Columbus suburb called Whitehall. On one occasion, the school decided to reward students who did well on some test - I don't remember what subject it was or if it was a statewide, standardized test - with lunch from McDonald's. Being treated to something other than our usual brown-bag lunches was a big deal, and those of us who didn't do so well on the test felt left out of the fast-food feast.

Daddy Bob was not about to let me be passed over, so he not only bought me McDonald's, he treated the rest of my classmates who didn't make the cut to burgers, fries and Cokes from the Golden Arches as well. He personally delivered the Mickey D's to me and my classmates in our cafeteria, relishing the shocked stares of the teachers and administrators who didn't dare challenge him.

I'm proud to be named after such a kind and thoughtful man. 

Happy Holidays, and I hope you have fond memories of special people like my grandparents to reflect on during this season. 

Embracing My Inner Grinch: A Few Of My Least Favorite Things

As the holiday shopping season winds down, I'd like to take this opportunity to expound on some of my biggest pet peeves that bug me when I set foot in retail stores and restaurants. I'm speaking from experience, having been on both sides of the register as a customer and a former cashier and bagger at grocery and convenience stores. 

Here are a few of my least favorite things:

Handwritten signs. Nothing screams "unprofessional" like a note scrawled on a scrap of paper and taped to a drive-thru window with a message such as, "Closed. Please Pull Forward." Unless a business is in the boondocks where there are no office supply stores, public libraries or FedEx Office locations where signs can be purchased or typed and printed easily and cheaply, there's no excuse for this type of sloppiness. 

Randomly bursting into song. I was recently in line at an electronics store when the cashier, a young woman who appeared to be in her teens, suddenly started singing for no apparent reason other than she had a tune playing in her head and had to get it out. 

"You should try out for 'American Idol," I told her in a tone laced with sarcasm. She seemed genuinely surprised that I didn't appreciate her impromptu "MTV Unplugged" set. In fact, she didn't even seem to be aware that anyone had heard her outburst, as if she was in the privacy of her own bathroom, singing in the shower, and someone had barged in on her. 

Leaving cash registers and reception desks unattended. Why should customers have to wait an indefinite amount of time to be seated or pay for an item? Leaving the reception desk, checkout counter or maitre d' stand unattended is a good way to turn a willing customer into an irate one, or lose customers altogether when they get tired of waiting and walk out. 

Smothering customers with attention or ignoring them. I've encountered both extremes in retail stores: when an overly helpful salesperson hovers over me when I just want to browse on my own. And the opposite, when the person behind the register doesn't bother to glance in my direction or acknowledge my presence in any way. There is a happy medium: greeting and offering assistance without stalking.

"Venting" in front of customers. I was recently checking out at a discount store when the cashier and another employee began griping about a coworker or supervisor who was getting on their nerves. They went on and on, complaining as if I wasn't even standing there. 

You could blame this type of inconsiderate, unprofessional behavior on the company and say it's an example of a business that underpays and under-trains employees, creating a hostile work environment. But why should I, the customer, get an earful when all I want to do is pay for my stuff and leave?

This post was part of my "Embracing My Inner Grinch" holiday series (I published the previous posts on Dec. 5 and Dec. 12). 

'Tis the season to be cranky… 

My New Year's Resolution: To Read More Fiction

We still have two weeks before New Year's Eve, but it's not too soon to make a New Year's resolution.

Mine? To read more fiction.

2014 has flown by faster than any year of my life. Now that the year is drawing to a close, it dawned on me that I didn't read one fiction book this year. Not one.

I certainly didn't make a conscious decision not to read any novels this year. Maybe because I've been writing a nonfiction book this year, that's where my focus is.

Throughout 2014, I've been helping Chicago businessman Raymond Lambert write his autobiography, which will chronicle the history of the legendary comedy club he co-founded in the '90s, All Jokes Aside. The club helped launch many famous African-American comedians, including the Original Kings of Comedy Steve Harvey, D.L. Hughley, Cedric the Entertainer and the late Bernie Mac. All Jokes Aside has such a storied history that it was the subject of the documentary "Phunny Business: A Black Comedy," which has been airing on Showtime.

I've read some wonderful autobiographies this year, including "To the Beat of My Own Drum," the memoir of one of a phenomenally talented woman I've long admired, Sheila E. (you can read my review of her page-turning story by clicking this link). And right now I'm in the middle of reading two books: Carlos Santana's autobiography "The Universal Tone" and rock journalist Alan Light's excellent "Let's Go Crazy," which chronicles of the making of Prince's groundbreaking "Purple Rain" movie and soundtrack.

I also read my good friend Sherri ScottNovoa's moving and funny book, "I Told You Not to Back that Thang Up!" Technically, this is a novel, but it's a semiautobiographical account of Sherri's life experiences, so it's not "fiction" in the truest sense.

My neglect of fiction is especially strange since creative writing is my first love. I've have a published novel under my belt, "The Chloe Chronicles," and I love being transported by fantasy and imagination.

There is some top-rate fiction on my bookshelf that I haven't gotten around to cracking open yet, including an autographed copy of Junot Diaz's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao." (You can read my post about my awkward encounter with Mr. Diaz when he came to speak at my alma mater, Ohio State, by clicking this link.)  

I also started reading Thomas Hardy's classic "Tess of the D'Ubervilles" last year, but haven't yet managed to make it past the first chapter.

If anyone has any suggestions of good fiction books I can read in 2015, I'm definitely open to suggestions. Feel free to leave suggestions in the comment section below or email me through my the "Contact" page on my website, Chrisbournea.com.

Happy New Year! (in advance)

Learning To Say No Is Important If You Want To Accomplish Anything

When you're a creative type, people seem to automatically jump to the conclusion that your talents are for hire:

"You're a writer? Oh, you must be an editor/writing coach for hire who can help me with the book I've been meaning to write."

"You're a singer? You must be a vocal coach for hire who can help my son get the lead spot in the glee club at school."

"You're a filmmaker? You must be a videographer for hire who can come film my daughter's sweet 16 party."

Can you imagine if someone approached Terry McMillan, Aretha Franklin or Spike Lee this way? They'd be so busy taking on freelance work and doing favors for people that they'd never have time to write best-sellers such as Waiting to Exhale, record masterpieces like "Respect," or make important films like Do the Right Thing. 

While it's tempting to say "yes" to people's requests to use your talents for their own purposes, either to be "nice," make some extra money and/or pad your portfolio, at some point you have to learn to prioritize your own projects or you'll never get anything done. 

Sometimes you've got to tell people, like the title of legendary R&B singer Bettye LaVette's acclaimed 2005 album, "Sorry, but I've got my own hell to raise."

Documentaries Show Ugly Side Of Modeling But Skirt Diversity

By chance, I recently came across two documentaries on the same subject: the modeling industry. 

"Chasing Beauty" and "Picture Me" expose many ills of the modeling and fashion industry, including the nonstop pressure on women to be ridiculously thin; the aggressive recruitment of underage girls who can be paid less and manipulated more easily than "older," more experienced models; and the little-known fact that many models end up deep in debt putting travel expenses on credit cards.

These are important issues that should be addressed, but what these documentaries don't confront is the fashion industry's disappointing lack of diversity. It's as if the industry has re-gressed instead of pro-gressed in the 21st century.

Back in the '70s and '80s, African-American models such as Iman, Naomi Sims, Naomi Campbell, Roshumba Williams, Veronica Webb and Beverly Johnson (recently in the news for joining the ever-growing list of Bill Cosby accusers)
walked the runways for top designers and appeared on the cover of Vogue and other international magazines. But nearly every runway show and photo shoot featured in "Chasing Beauty" and "Picture Me" has a parade of models who are not only white, but blond - as if the fashion industry has adopted some kind of Aryan mentality in recent years. 

"Chasing Beauty" does feature an interview with African-American supermodel Beverly Peele, 39, who rose to fame in the '80s and '90s. But rather than offering Peele's insights on how models of color can succeed in fashion, the interview mostly focuses on her erratic behavior, such as using her contacts with the rich and powerful to start an escort service. 

Nowadays, models of all races have disappeared from the covers of fashion magazines, replaced by actresses and singers. If there's any hope that the fashion industry will once again embrace diversity, it's that the cross-cultural popularity of black celebrities like Rihanna, Beyonce and "Scandal" star Kerry Washington can't be ignored. They have become the new cover girls. 

Adventures In Social Etiquette: Surefire Ways To Disconnect People You're Trying To Reach

When you're trying to connect with someone, whether a business prospect, a coworker, or a family member or friend, there are some surefire ways to turn that person off and perhaps permanently alienate them. Here are a couple of ways to do just that:

Leaving vague voicemails. "Hi, John, this is Chris. When you get a chance, will you give me a call?" 

This is an example of a vague voicemail.

People leave these types of voicemails when they are too shy to be direct when asking for a favor, such as asking someone to put in a good word for you at a job you applied for. Or, they think they'll do a better job of explaining what they need once they have the person on the line. Others believe that they can get a hard-to-reach person to return their call by leaving out all the details and piquing their curiosity. And then once you have them on the line, you can nag or guilt-trip them into saying yes. 

Whether you're shy or "sheisty," leaving a vague message to try to entice someone to return your call is one of the most irritating, least effective things you can do. At best, the person you're trying to reach will call you back with a surly attitude, annoyed that you didn't state your business when you left a message. At worst, the person will think you're trying to pull some kind of "Jedi mind trick" by omitting important details and will procrastinate returning your call or not call back at all, thinking you're probably going to ask them to do something really burdensome, or else you would have said what you're calling about.

There are a few instances when it's perfectly fine to leave a cryptic message on someone's phone, such as when there's been a death or an emergency of some sort and you don't want to alarm the person by leaving a message they may not be able to return immediately.

But in general, I've found that people appreciate when you're above-board and respectful of their time. We're all super-busy in this crazy, modern world we live in and no one has time to waste with tricks and gimmicks.

So, if you're going to ask someone for a favor and you get their voicemail, just be honest. Say something to the effect of, "Hi, John, it's Chris. If it's not too much of an inconvenience, I'd like to use you as a reference for a job I'd like to apply for at your company. Here's my number, and if you can give me a call when you get a chance so we can discuss it, I'd really appreciate it. Or, you can call or email me, if that's more convenient."

Simple. Straightforward. Import details included. I think most of us appreciate voicemails that have all these ingredients, so we know what to expect when we return the call.  

Using acronyms and technical jargon in texts, emails and Facebook messages. Since we're all so busy these days, it's tempting to use shorthand in written communications. The problem is, not everyone is aware of all the acronyms that are constantly cropping up like dandelions in a freshly-mowed lawn.

If you're just shooting the breeze or joking around with a friend or close relative, it's perfectly fine to use an acronym such as "lol" - laughing out loud. But if you're trying to get in touch with someone you don't know all that well, or if you've got a serious matter to address such as asking a coworker for help with a project, using slangy acronyms or technical jargon that the person on the receiving end will have to either Google or look up in the "urban dictionary" not only wastes their time, it's annoying!

Let's say I want to ask a colleague that I don't talk to that much to help me with a report that has a looming deadline. Sending her an email that says, "Hi, Jane, this report is so tedious, I'm AAK and I could really use your help!"

Jane may or may not know that "AAK" means "asleep at the keyboard." While she may appreciate my attempt at humor in asking for her help, it may very well irritate her that she has to take time to look up an unfamiliar term. 

And if I'm using an unfamiliar term in a short email, what will working on a report with me be like?! She may very well tell me, "Sorry, Chris, wish I could help, but I'm ADBB for the day."

"ADBB" means "all done bye bye."

 

Embracing My Inner Grinch: My Biggest Holiday Party Pet Peeve

This is that time of year when we attend a seemingly endless parade of holiday get-togethers: with coworkers, friends who have moved away and come back to town, family we may not see very often throughout the year.

While I enjoy reconnecting with family and friends, I have a major pet peeve about holiday parties: being asked to bring food or drink that is just going to go to waste. 

I don't want to sound ungrateful. It's a privilege to be invited to a gathering, especially in someone's home.  I don't mind contributing, as long as my contribution is going to be put to good use. 

As a good friend of mine is fond of saying, we should all bring something to the table other than a fork. Those of us who were raised with manners know that the "proper" thing to do when we're invited to a gathering where food is going to be served is to ask the host, "Would you like for me to bring something?" 

Oftentimes, this gesture is just that - a gesture. It's like asking someone, "How are you?" You're not actually expecting them to give you a run-down of every symptom and ailment they may be experiencing at the moment; it's just a courtesy.

If the person who extended the invitation is truly in need of some item, I don't mind supplying it. I've thrown parties where I was running around trying to pull everything together at the last minute. A thoughtful guest bringing a bag of ice that I forgot to pick up in my mad dash at the grocery store made all the difference in the world so we didn't have to drink warm pop. 

But at the risk of sounding completely obnoxious, I don't think it's cool when someone asks me to bring something that clearly isn't needed just because the host wants the guests to pay a "cover charge." Sometimes well-meaning hosts ask everybody to bring something to make sure everybody is "pulling their weight" and contributing to the festivities. 

Asking guests to bring food and drink would be fine if it was a potluck. But at a party where the host supplies an overabundance of food and drink to begin with, asking people to add to this bounty as the "cost of admission" is just plain wasteful. Especially at the holidays, when we're supposed to give at least a passing thought to those who don't have enough to eat.

If I bring a bottle of wine and it's going to get opened and enjoyed, wonderful. But if you ask me to bring a dessert, which requires me to go out of my way to make a trip to the grocery store, and then that apple pie just sits unopened amid an overflowing cornucopia of sweet treats, that seems pretty pointless. And then the awkward situation arises of when I leave, should I take the unopened food item with me? Of course not. It would be bad manners to "repossess" a "gift," even one that is never going to be appreciated. 

If a host truly wants to have guests contribute, but knows in advance there is going to be enough food for leftovers anyway, how about asking everybody to bring a canned good that can be donated to a local food pantry? Wouldn't that be more in the spirit of the holidays than asking guests to bring items that are going to get thrown away?

This blog entry is part of my "Embracing My Inner Grinch" holiday series. In my last entry of the season, which I plan to publish on Friday, Dec. 19 as the holiday shopping season winds down, I'll explore some of my biggest pet peeves about retail stores and their bad business practices. And I'll be speaking from experience, since I used to work in customer service myself.

'Tis the season to be grumpy...

Did My 'Premonition' Foreshadow An Impending Zombie Attack?

Yesterday while I was running late leaving the house, a random thought crossed my mind: To save time on mornings like these when I'm rushed, I should come up with a bare-bones routine, as if I'm throwing clothes on my back while fleeing a zombie attack. 

And then another odd thing happened: driving to the office, I turned on the radio to find the DJs on a local morning radio show talking about zombies! It took me a minute to figure out they were discussing the TV show "The Walking Dead."

We all have those freaky "Psychic Friends" moments: lyrics to a song creep into your head for no apparent reason, and then you turn on the radio to hear that exact song playing. Or, you start thinking about someone you haven't seen in a while and then they call or text you out of the blue.

So does my "premonition" in the shower yesterday portend a looming zombie apocalypse?

Attenion English Majors: Creative Writing Skills Translate To The 'Real' World

Are you like me, an English major for whom creative writing is your first love? I've found that with hard work, you can translate your creative-writing skills to the world of journalism and nonfiction. 

For the past several years, I've been working on a documentary titled "Lady Wrestler" that chronicles the little-known story of courageous African-American women who traveled the world as professional wrestlers in the '50s and '60s before many of the gains of the civil rights and feminist movements. 

In making the documentary "Lady Wrestler,"
I called on creative writing skills.

 

And for the past year, I've been helping businessman Raymond Lambert write his autobiography, which will chronicle his rise from a working-class upbringing in Wilmington, Del., to owning one of the nation's most successful comedy clubs - the legendary All Jokes Aside in Chicago.

As a kid, I dreamed about being an author and filmmaker who cranked out best-selling novels and hit movies. But since graduating from Ohio State with a bachelor's degree in English in '98, I've earned a living working at newspapers.  

However, I've  continued to pursue my passion for creative writing. I published a novel, "The Chloe Chronicles," and a play, "The Springtime of Our Lives." 

In telling the story of the lady wrestlers and helping Raymond to write his autobiography, my journalism skills have come into play: interviewing, researching, organizing notes, etc. But I've also called on my creative writing "genes" to get the job done.

Telling a good story, whether fictional or based on true events, is all about weaving a narrative that will engage your audience.  

Bill Cosby Scandal Particularly Painful For African Americans

Like many people who grew up on The Cosby Show in the '80s, I've been watching the rape allegations swarming around Bill Cosby with shock and sadness. Those of us who have been fans of his comedy for decades feel a sense of loss that the man once known as America's Father may be someone we never really knew at all.

The Cosby Show presented a positive image of
an intact, functional black family.

I'm sure I'm speaking for many other African Americans - and Americans, in general - when I say that I want to believe that the allegations are false, as Cosby's attorney has repeatedly asserted. But unfortunately, it seems like irreversible damage has been done to the beloved comedian's once shining reputation.

A new allegation of attempted rape as described by supermodel Beverly Johnson in a Dec. 11 column she penned for VanityFair.com is particularly unsettling. In the column, Johnson details an encounter with Cosby in the '80s when she auditioned for a role on The Cosby Show. Johnson, who became the first African-American woman to appear on the cover of Vogue in 1974, seems like a credible voice who has nothing to gain by accusing Cosby of trying to drug and take advantage of her. 

Due to the allegations by Johnson and the other women who have come forward, many of Cosby's fans feel a profound sense of loss. The loss is particularly painful for African Americans. For many of us, Bill Cosby was like our favorite uncle. He represented the ability to triumph over racism through sheer talent and hard work. Seeing the image of an intact, financially secure black family on TV every week made us believe that anything was possible. 

And it wasn't just that Bill Cosby entertained us, he was also known for his generosity, giving millions to Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs). Undoubtedly, he also gave a major boost to HBCU enrollment with the hit Cosby spinoff A Different World. 

American culture tends to elevate celebrities to almost godlike status. This is especially true in the black community, where successful individuals have often overcome poverty and other obstacles and represent all of our hopes and dreams of  triumphing over racism. This is why many of Cosby's longtime fans, especially African Americans, want to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

But as more disturbing allegations surface, the benefit of the doubt is increasingly hard to muster. As Beverly Johnson wrote in her piece at VanityFair.com:

"What would people think when and if I did [come forward]? Would they dismiss me as an angry black woman intent on ruining the image of one of the most revered men in the African American community over the last 40 years? Or would they see my open and honest account of being betrayed by one of the country’s most powerful, influential, and beloved entertainers?

As I wrestled with the idea of telling my story of the day Bill Cosby drugged me with the intention of doing God knows what, the faces of Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Eric Garner, and countless other brown and black men took residence in my mind. ...

Finally, I reached the conclusion that the current attack on African American men has absolutely nothing to do at all with Bill Cosby. He brought this on himself when he decided he had the right to have his way with who knows how many women over the last four decades. If anything, Cosby is distinguished from the majority of black men in this country because he could depend on the powers that be for support and protection."

Adventures In Social Media: Canva Lets You Make Quick, Easy Graphics

The site Canva.com has been hailed as "the easiest design program in the world" by the Webby Awards, which is the Internet's version of the Oscars.

I wouldn't go that far, but I will say that Canva does enable you to create graphics fairly quickly and easily if you don't own more comprehensive design software such as InDesign.

One of the best aspects of Canva is that signing up and creating an account is very simple: you just enter your email address and a password and you're in. You can choose to sit through a brief tutorial, or get started designing right away.

The site has thousands of graphics that you can use to create your own memes, infographics and other images to use in blogs, social media posts, et cetera.

I created the image above with the lion and the clever little  "Mondays Are A Beast" catch phrase in under five minutes (I already had the idea in mind). Searching for the photo of the lion was easy and I only had to pay Canva $1 for the right to use it. However, manipulating the text box was kind of difficult; the box wouldn't move the way I wanted it to, so the text is not exactly where I'd like it to be.

But for a simple solution to creating graphics, Canva is a decent option.

This blog post is part of my "Adventures In Social Media" series. In next week's post, which I plan to publish on Monday, Dec. 15, I'll change the theme slightly to "Adventures In Social Etiquette" and explore how to avoid some of the most obnoxious behavior when texting, calling and emailing friends, family and people you'd like to do business with.

Embracing My Inner Grinch: Why I Removed The Bow Someone Tied To My Front Door

Last Thanksgiving, I awoke to find someone had tied a Christmas bow on my wrought-iron storm door. In the 10 years I'd lived in my condo on the east side of Columbus, Ohio, nothing like this had ever happened before.

Rather than putting me in the Christmas spirit, the gesture confused me. Who did this? A neighbor? Someone who considers him/herself one of "Santa's little helpers" and goes around tying bows on unsuspecting strangers' doors? Was this supposed to be some kind of prank?

The fact that someone tied something to my door without my permission also angered me. As a homeowner and a single person, I alone am responsible for paying my mortgage and I work hard to do so. If I choose to decorate for the holidays, I will. If I don't, that's my prerogative, to quote Bobby Brown.

However, figuring that it may have been a well-meaning neighbor who tied the bow to my door, I left the mysterious decoration up in the spirit of goodwill. After all, that's what the season is about, right? And would it kill me to tolerate a frilly bow hanging on my door for less than a month? No.

But then the same thing happened again this year. When I left my house to participate in a local Turkey Trot race on Thanksgiving Day last week, I discovered another bow tied to my storm door. This time, I took it down immediately.

Now, so that I'm not misunderstood as some kind of Ebeneezer Scrooge who hates the holidays, I should explain why I took the bow down. I consider myself a devout Christian and a practicing Catholic, so Christmas has a very significant meaning for me beyond the commercial, secular season that it has become.

I would have had no problem, for example, with a church slipping a flyer in my door inviting me to come to Christmas Eve services. But tying an object to my door feels like an invasion of property rights - albeit a harmless one.

I'm sure whoever tied the Christmas bow to my door had the best of intentions. But what if I was a Jehovah's Witness or someone who chooses not to celebrate holidays? Would this supposedly thoughtful gesture offend me?

What if I'd lost a loved one around this time of year and any reminder of the holidays sends me into a depression? Maybe "Santa's little helpers" should think twice before they go around tying stuff to other people's property.

This blog post is part of a weekly holiday series on "Embracing My Inner Grinch." In next week's installment, which I plan to publish on Friday, Dec. 12, I'll gripe about one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to holiday parties.

'Tis the season to be grumpy...

Sounds Of The Season: Happy Musical Accidents

This is the season when many people listen only to Christmas music. While there are many holiday tunes that I love, I haven't quite gotten in the Christmas spirit just yet.

So yesterday, I was listening to music that's quite different from the sounds of the season: the top 10 countdown of the most popular current heavy metal songs on 99.7 FM "The Blitz," the local rock station in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio.

While some hard rocker was screeching out an aggressive, fist-pumping anthem, my hand accidentally grazed the radio dial on my MP3 player and the tuner landed on the local lite rock station. The eardrum-shattering death metal was hilariously replaced by the cheerful sounds of Alvin and the Chipmunks chirping out a Christmas carol. Talk about contrast!

In another musical coincidence earlier this week, I was listening to Prince. Although I've been a huge fan since Purple Rain, I haven't really been listening much to his music lately other than reviewing his new album, Art Official Age. But Tuesday while I was writing a piece for a local paper, I felt the urge to reconnect with The Purple One and pulled up his greatest hits on my MP3 player.

My connection with Prince must be pretty strong, because while I was attempting to type "city of Columbus" into Google to access my local government's website, "city of Minneapolis" popped up instead! Interesting coincidence...

Doc On Russian Homophobia Overshadowed By Filmmaker's Controversial Line Of Work

The state of human rights in Russia got a lot of coverage during the Winter Olympics in Sochi earlier this year. But after the elaborate closing festivities ended and the Olympic torch was extinguished, the issue seemed to get scant attention, given all the other things going on in the world.

There are few journalists or filmmakers who seem interested in spending a significant amount of time in Russia, to pull back the Iron Curtain and really expose what life is like there. Especially for oppressed minorities like the LGBT community.

Filmmaker Michael Lucas, who grew up in Russia before immigrating to the United States, has done just that with his documentary, Campaign of Hate: Russia and Gay Propaganda. The documentary screened Nov. 21 as part of the Columbus International Film and Video Festival's "Fighting Global Hate" event, which featured movies from around the world that focus on human rights abuses.

Campaign of Hate features interviews with several gay and lesbian Russians about the discrimination, harassment and even violence they suffer on an almost daily basis. It's too bad that the documentary is getting only limited distribution because of Lucas' controversial background: he's a self-proclaimed producer and star of pornography.

During the Q&A after the documentary screening, I told Lucas that the impression I got from watching the movie is that the vast majority of Russians are homophobic. He said he believes this to be the case, adding that the country's unwelcoming environment can't be attributed to religion, since the communist regime promoted atheism in the Soviet Union for decades. Intolerance, he said, is just part of the culture in Russia.

I also asked Lucas if he has trouble being taken seriously as a filmmaker since he produces porn. That may seem like a rude question, but I just figured that if he was going to participate in a public forum, he should be prepared to be questioned about his "day job."

Lucas was frank in his response, admitting there are pros and cons to being known as a porn star/producer. On the one hand, he's well-known in his native Russia because of his "success" in America and had no trouble securing interviews for the documentary or self-financing the project. On the other hand, he said it's unlikely that he'll ever recoup the more than $100,000 it cost him to produce Campaign of Hate because major outlets like HBO don't want to be associated with him.

Of course, there may be a variety of reasons that HBO didn't pick up the documentary that may have little or nothing to do with Lucas' dubious reputation: the production values may not be up to their standards, it doesn't have any famous interviewees, etc. And there are many well-produced, heartfelt, high-quality documentaries that never reach a wide audience or make any significant amount of money. The movie business is inherently subjective, arbitrary and unfair.

Lucas could have minimized the impact his reputation had on Campaign of Hate if he hadn't put his name on it as the producer/director. And although he's a good interviewer, listening intently as his subjects tell their stories, there was no reason he needed to appear on camera. He could have hired a journalist to conduct the interviews and a director to oversee the production, enabling Lucas to remain totally behind the scenes as an "angel investor."

Perhaps Lucas felt like honesty is the best policy, and that if he'd hidden his involvement, the secrecy could backfire if a distributor were to discover that the documentary was financed by porn profits. Or, perhaps Lucas saw Campaign of Hate as his chance to go legit' and achieve mainstream success.

Is Lucas the victim of Hollywood hypocrisy? After all, cable networks like HBO and movie studios make big bucks off "real" movies that are borderline pornographic, not to mention violent to the point of qualifying as "torture porn."

Imagine if notorious Hustler publisher Larry Flynt were to make a documentary about human trafficking. On the one hand, Flynt is a subject matter expert who has an insider perspective on the issue. On the other hand, his credibility is questionable because of how he makes his money.

"Don't shoot the messenger" is an age-old saying. In Lucas' case, it seems as if his important message about combating hatred around the world is being shot down because of the messenger.

Something New Every Day: What Is A Henley?

I learn something new every day. Today's lesson: what is a henley?

No, not the last name of a member of classic rock group The Eagles who went on to solo success in the '80s with such hits as "Boys of Summer" (one of my favorite songs and music videos of all time; and by the way, the first name of this person, if you hadn't figured it out already, is Don).

Don Henley

No, a henley, in the lowercase form, is a man's shirt that's like a long-sleeved T-shirt with buttons.

I had never heard this term before until I opened up the Dec. 5 issue of Entertainment Weekly and read a profile on producer/writer Greg Berlanti, who's responsible for such hit shows as the CW's Arrow and The Flash and NBC's The Mysteries of Laura with Debra Messing.

The name of the shirt came up in the description of what Berlanti was wearing while working in the writers' room of The Flash. Interesting profile of an interesting guy. I'd recommend checking it out.

Adventures In Social Media: Just Because No One 'Liked' Your Outfit Doesn't Mean You Should Go Around Naked

It recently occurred to me that getting comments and Likes on Facebook is as unpredictable as getting complimented on your clothes.

Sometimes when you go out of your way to dress up, no one says anything. It's almost as if you were invisible and all the extra effort you put into looking nice seems like it was all for nothing.

But other times when you throw something on from the back of your closet without much thought other than it's the only thing clean and not wrinkled, you get a slew of unanticipated compliments.

Similarly, a provocative Facebook post that you may think will get a lot of comments only gets a few tepid Likes and is generally met not only with crickets, but tumbleweeds.

At a social media conference I attended a couple of years ago, a communications manager at a large hospital in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio, described the unpredictability of Facebook. She said several of her most well-thought-out posts generated little to no response, but a random post about new carpeting being installed in a hallway drew a flurry of excited comments.

This example illustrates that Facebook and social media, in general, is hit and miss. You may have a few misses, but if you keep at it, eventually you'll get a hit - and often when you least expect it.

Going back to the clothing analogy, if you got all dressed up but everyone ignored you, you wouldn't start walking around naked, would you?

This blog entry is part of my "Adventures in Social Media" series. In the next installment, which I plan to publish on Monday, Dec. 8, I'll highlight some cutting-edge features that could help you draw more attention to your social media endeavors - and have a little fun while you're at it.

Happy Black Friday: My 'Mixed Chicks' Product Review

In celebration of Black Friday and good old-fashioned American consumerism, I decided to write a product review for today's blog post. The product I'm reviewing is the Mixed Chicks Leave-In Conditioner.

This post may qualify as the most superficial one I've ever written, but here goes:

A few months ago, I decided it was finally time to replace the bottle of Infusium 23 Color Defender Leave-In Conditioner that has been sitting on my bathroom sink since 2011.  I use it every time I wash my hair, but because I have such short hair, the 16-ounce bottle lasts forever - longer than it should. I don't know if hair products have an expiration date, but I thought three years was long enough.

For some reason, Infusium 23 Color Defender is very hard to find on store shelves. I like it because it doesn't have sulfates, which can dry out your hair if you're of African descent like me or another ancestry in which coarse, curly hair is a common trait.

During my futile search of several drug stores for this inexplicably rare brand of Infusium 23, I stumbled upon the Mixed Chicks Leave-In Conditioner.  The description on the bottle hooked me in:

Finally, a curl defining formula designed for "us." Whether you're black, white, Asian, Latin, Mediterranean, or any glorious combination of the above, you'll love the way this alcohol-free, non-sticky, lightweight product leaves your hair inviting to touch as it defines and locks moisture into every curl. Be a proud part of our multi-racial movement, show your curls and radiantly roll with "Mixed Chicks."

Since my hair is a sometimes stubborn mixture of straight, curly, kinky, wavy and frizzy, I thought Mixed Chicks would be the brand for me. However, at first I had sticker shock and was a little taken aback by the $19 price for a 10-ounce bottle of Mixed Chicks, since a 16-ounce bottle of Infusium 23 Color Defender runs about $8 or less.

I reasoned that Mixed Chicks must be a salon-quality product, and quality is worth paying a little more. Plus, by buying Mixed Chicks, I would be supporting a movement I very much believe in: celebrating and being inclusive of people of different backgrounds. 

In my bathroom, applying Mixed Chicks.

But in all honesty, I have to say that after a couple of tries with Mixed Chicks, I was unimpressed. The product fell flat, along with my hair. Mixed Chicks made my hair feel limp and weighted down.

While I applaud the company's mission of a product specifically designed for people of color and multi-racial individuals, it simply didn't work for me. Maybe my hair is too short and thin and the product works better for people with fuller, longer hair? Or maybe it's specifically designed for women?

So I ended up going back to my trusty old Infusium 23 Color Defender, which I finally found online at Amazon. And that nearly $20 bottle of Mixed Chicks? It's been sitting on my bathroom counter, where it may end up staying for the next three years.   

Reliable ol' Infusium 23 Color Defender 
is hard to find but worth the search.

What I'm Thankful For: My Interracial Family And All It's Taught Me About Diversity

I had planned to write a blog entry about my family at some point this week, which happens to be National Family Week, an observance designed to celebrate family and community connections.

This blog post about my family has taken on a special significance, given the Ferguson grand jury's decision not to indict white police officer Darren Wilson in the fatal shooting of African-American teen Michael Brown. This case has drawn a renewed focus to the simmering racial tensions in this country.

The fact that so many of us are divided along racial lines gives me a greater appreciation of my family's rich diversity. It truly is a gift, as overly sentimental as that may sound.

Me and my brother Doug in the late '70s

Both my parents are African American, and after their relationship ended, they both married white people. I have a white stepfather and two white stepmothers. I also have a brother and three sisters who are biracial.

Here's what growing up in an interracial family taught me:

To deal with people as individuals. Whenever I had a disagreement with my stepfather, race never entered my mind. That's not to say that I don't ever encounter racism, but my diverse background has enabled me to see beyond people's skin color and look at their individual personality traits.

To appreciate other cultures. I like all different kinds of music, from R&B to hard rock, and have a natural curiosity about other cultures. I've always been drawn to Latin American music and culture and am learning to speak Spanish.

To have friends of different races. I have friends of many different backgrounds, from politically conservative white males to liberal black females and almost everything in between.

To incorporate diversity into my writing. In my journalism, I'm naturally drawn to diversity issues. In my creative writing, coming up with characters of different races is totally natural to me.

I know it's corny and trite to say what you're thankful for on Thanksgiving, but I feel it's nonetheless fitting to do so.