Embracing My Inner Grinch: My Biggest Holiday Party Pet Peeve

This is that time of year when we attend a seemingly endless parade of holiday get-togethers: with coworkers, friends who have moved away and come back to town, family we may not see very often throughout the year.

While I enjoy reconnecting with family and friends, I have a major pet peeve about holiday parties: being asked to bring food or drink that is just going to go to waste. 

I don't want to sound ungrateful. It's a privilege to be invited to a gathering, especially in someone's home.  I don't mind contributing, as long as my contribution is going to be put to good use. 

As a good friend of mine is fond of saying, we should all bring something to the table other than a fork. Those of us who were raised with manners know that the "proper" thing to do when we're invited to a gathering where food is going to be served is to ask the host, "Would you like for me to bring something?" 

Oftentimes, this gesture is just that - a gesture. It's like asking someone, "How are you?" You're not actually expecting them to give you a run-down of every symptom and ailment they may be experiencing at the moment; it's just a courtesy.

If the person who extended the invitation is truly in need of some item, I don't mind supplying it. I've thrown parties where I was running around trying to pull everything together at the last minute. A thoughtful guest bringing a bag of ice that I forgot to pick up in my mad dash at the grocery store made all the difference in the world so we didn't have to drink warm pop. 

But at the risk of sounding completely obnoxious, I don't think it's cool when someone asks me to bring something that clearly isn't needed just because the host wants the guests to pay a "cover charge." Sometimes well-meaning hosts ask everybody to bring something to make sure everybody is "pulling their weight" and contributing to the festivities. 

Asking guests to bring food and drink would be fine if it was a potluck. But at a party where the host supplies an overabundance of food and drink to begin with, asking people to add to this bounty as the "cost of admission" is just plain wasteful. Especially at the holidays, when we're supposed to give at least a passing thought to those who don't have enough to eat.

If I bring a bottle of wine and it's going to get opened and enjoyed, wonderful. But if you ask me to bring a dessert, which requires me to go out of my way to make a trip to the grocery store, and then that apple pie just sits unopened amid an overflowing cornucopia of sweet treats, that seems pretty pointless. And then the awkward situation arises of when I leave, should I take the unopened food item with me? Of course not. It would be bad manners to "repossess" a "gift," even one that is never going to be appreciated. 

If a host truly wants to have guests contribute, but knows in advance there is going to be enough food for leftovers anyway, how about asking everybody to bring a canned good that can be donated to a local food pantry? Wouldn't that be more in the spirit of the holidays than asking guests to bring items that are going to get thrown away?

This blog entry is part of my "Embracing My Inner Grinch" holiday series. In my last entry of the season, which I plan to publish on Friday, Dec. 19 as the holiday shopping season winds down, I'll explore some of my biggest pet peeves about retail stores and their bad business practices. And I'll be speaking from experience, since I used to work in customer service myself.

'Tis the season to be grumpy...