A Very 'Funky' Theatrical Experience

When I recently saw  "Memphis the Musical," I went by myself, which I don't mind doing. Ever since I was a kid, I've known how to enjoy my own company.

When I first arrived at the Ohio Theatre, the seat next to me was empty. But shortly after the show began, two nice-looking women came and sat next to me. One of the women, a pretty, petite blond was trailed by a cloud of funk - and I ain't talkin' about the soulful melodies going down onstage.

I almost didn't share this story because I thought it might be impolite for a man to describe a woman with bad breath, but after telling several female friends, they laughed about it and gave me the go-ahead.

Well, this woman didn't just have bad breath, she smelled as though she had swallowed  a whole clove of garlic at dinner and it was emanating from her pores. Every time she would laugh or open her mouth in any way, an overpowering stench of garlic would waft over to me. I tried to discreetly cover my nose and shift in the other direction in my seat, but the smell still overwhelmed me.

Eventually, I got up and moved to a different row at intermission. I hope I didn't hurt the lady's feelings by moving. But it was so bad that I went home and washed up because I felt like I had a garlic film all over me. I took it as a "teachable moment": to be careful about eating spicy, odorous food when you're going to be in close quarters with people.

Maybe the lady had just finished watching one of theTwilight movies or HBO's True Blood before she came to the theater - because she ingested so much garlic it was like she was trying to ward off vampires!