My New Year's Resolution: To Read More Fiction

We still have two weeks before New Year's Eve, but it's not too soon to make a New Year's resolution.

Mine? To read more fiction.

2014 has flown by faster than any year of my life. Now that the year is drawing to a close, it dawned on me that I didn't read one fiction book this year. Not one.

I certainly didn't make a conscious decision not to read any novels this year. Maybe because I've been writing a nonfiction book this year, that's where my focus is.

Throughout 2014, I've been helping Chicago businessman Raymond Lambert write his autobiography, which will chronicle the history of the legendary comedy club he co-founded in the '90s, All Jokes Aside. The club helped launch many famous African-American comedians, including the Original Kings of Comedy Steve Harvey, D.L. Hughley, Cedric the Entertainer and the late Bernie Mac. All Jokes Aside has such a storied history that it was the subject of the documentary "Phunny Business: A Black Comedy," which has been airing on Showtime.

I've read some wonderful autobiographies this year, including "To the Beat of My Own Drum," the memoir of one of a phenomenally talented woman I've long admired, Sheila E. (you can read my review of her page-turning story by clicking this link). And right now I'm in the middle of reading two books: Carlos Santana's autobiography "The Universal Tone" and rock journalist Alan Light's excellent "Let's Go Crazy," which chronicles of the making of Prince's groundbreaking "Purple Rain" movie and soundtrack.

I also read my good friend Sherri ScottNovoa's moving and funny book, "I Told You Not to Back that Thang Up!" Technically, this is a novel, but it's a semiautobiographical account of Sherri's life experiences, so it's not "fiction" in the truest sense.

My neglect of fiction is especially strange since creative writing is my first love. I've have a published novel under my belt, "The Chloe Chronicles," and I love being transported by fantasy and imagination.

There is some top-rate fiction on my bookshelf that I haven't gotten around to cracking open yet, including an autographed copy of Junot Diaz's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao." (You can read my post about my awkward encounter with Mr. Diaz when he came to speak at my alma mater, Ohio State, by clicking this link.)  

I also started reading Thomas Hardy's classic "Tess of the D'Ubervilles" last year, but haven't yet managed to make it past the first chapter.

If anyone has any suggestions of good fiction books I can read in 2015, I'm definitely open to suggestions. Feel free to leave suggestions in the comment section below or email me through my the "Contact" page on my website, Chrisbournea.com.

Happy New Year! (in advance)

Learning To Say No Is Important If You Want To Accomplish Anything

When you're a creative type, people seem to automatically jump to the conclusion that your talents are for hire:

"You're a writer? Oh, you must be an editor/writing coach for hire who can help me with the book I've been meaning to write."

"You're a singer? You must be a vocal coach for hire who can help my son get the lead spot in the glee club at school."

"You're a filmmaker? You must be a videographer for hire who can come film my daughter's sweet 16 party."

Can you imagine if someone approached Terry McMillan, Aretha Franklin or Spike Lee this way? They'd be so busy taking on freelance work and doing favors for people that they'd never have time to write best-sellers such as Waiting to Exhale, record masterpieces like "Respect," or make important films like Do the Right Thing. 

While it's tempting to say "yes" to people's requests to use your talents for their own purposes, either to be "nice," make some extra money and/or pad your portfolio, at some point you have to learn to prioritize your own projects or you'll never get anything done. 

Sometimes you've got to tell people, like the title of legendary R&B singer Bettye LaVette's acclaimed 2005 album, "Sorry, but I've got my own hell to raise."

Documentaries Show Ugly Side Of Modeling But Skirt Diversity

By chance, I recently came across two documentaries on the same subject: the modeling industry. 

"Chasing Beauty" and "Picture Me" expose many ills of the modeling and fashion industry, including the nonstop pressure on women to be ridiculously thin; the aggressive recruitment of underage girls who can be paid less and manipulated more easily than "older," more experienced models; and the little-known fact that many models end up deep in debt putting travel expenses on credit cards.

These are important issues that should be addressed, but what these documentaries don't confront is the fashion industry's disappointing lack of diversity. It's as if the industry has re-gressed instead of pro-gressed in the 21st century.

Back in the '70s and '80s, African-American models such as Iman, Naomi Sims, Naomi Campbell, Roshumba Williams, Veronica Webb and Beverly Johnson (recently in the news for joining the ever-growing list of Bill Cosby accusers)
walked the runways for top designers and appeared on the cover of Vogue and other international magazines. But nearly every runway show and photo shoot featured in "Chasing Beauty" and "Picture Me" has a parade of models who are not only white, but blond - as if the fashion industry has adopted some kind of Aryan mentality in recent years. 

"Chasing Beauty" does feature an interview with African-American supermodel Beverly Peele, 39, who rose to fame in the '80s and '90s. But rather than offering Peele's insights on how models of color can succeed in fashion, the interview mostly focuses on her erratic behavior, such as using her contacts with the rich and powerful to start an escort service. 

Nowadays, models of all races have disappeared from the covers of fashion magazines, replaced by actresses and singers. If there's any hope that the fashion industry will once again embrace diversity, it's that the cross-cultural popularity of black celebrities like Rihanna, Beyonce and "Scandal" star Kerry Washington can't be ignored. They have become the new cover girls. 

Adventures In Social Etiquette: Surefire Ways To Disconnect People You're Trying To Reach

When you're trying to connect with someone, whether a business prospect, a coworker, or a family member or friend, there are some surefire ways to turn that person off and perhaps permanently alienate them. Here are a couple of ways to do just that:

Leaving vague voicemails. "Hi, John, this is Chris. When you get a chance, will you give me a call?" 

This is an example of a vague voicemail.

People leave these types of voicemails when they are too shy to be direct when asking for a favor, such as asking someone to put in a good word for you at a job you applied for. Or, they think they'll do a better job of explaining what they need once they have the person on the line. Others believe that they can get a hard-to-reach person to return their call by leaving out all the details and piquing their curiosity. And then once you have them on the line, you can nag or guilt-trip them into saying yes. 

Whether you're shy or "sheisty," leaving a vague message to try to entice someone to return your call is one of the most irritating, least effective things you can do. At best, the person you're trying to reach will call you back with a surly attitude, annoyed that you didn't state your business when you left a message. At worst, the person will think you're trying to pull some kind of "Jedi mind trick" by omitting important details and will procrastinate returning your call or not call back at all, thinking you're probably going to ask them to do something really burdensome, or else you would have said what you're calling about.

There are a few instances when it's perfectly fine to leave a cryptic message on someone's phone, such as when there's been a death or an emergency of some sort and you don't want to alarm the person by leaving a message they may not be able to return immediately.

But in general, I've found that people appreciate when you're above-board and respectful of their time. We're all super-busy in this crazy, modern world we live in and no one has time to waste with tricks and gimmicks.

So, if you're going to ask someone for a favor and you get their voicemail, just be honest. Say something to the effect of, "Hi, John, it's Chris. If it's not too much of an inconvenience, I'd like to use you as a reference for a job I'd like to apply for at your company. Here's my number, and if you can give me a call when you get a chance so we can discuss it, I'd really appreciate it. Or, you can call or email me, if that's more convenient."

Simple. Straightforward. Import details included. I think most of us appreciate voicemails that have all these ingredients, so we know what to expect when we return the call.  

Using acronyms and technical jargon in texts, emails and Facebook messages. Since we're all so busy these days, it's tempting to use shorthand in written communications. The problem is, not everyone is aware of all the acronyms that are constantly cropping up like dandelions in a freshly-mowed lawn.

If you're just shooting the breeze or joking around with a friend or close relative, it's perfectly fine to use an acronym such as "lol" - laughing out loud. But if you're trying to get in touch with someone you don't know all that well, or if you've got a serious matter to address such as asking a coworker for help with a project, using slangy acronyms or technical jargon that the person on the receiving end will have to either Google or look up in the "urban dictionary" not only wastes their time, it's annoying!

Let's say I want to ask a colleague that I don't talk to that much to help me with a report that has a looming deadline. Sending her an email that says, "Hi, Jane, this report is so tedious, I'm AAK and I could really use your help!"

Jane may or may not know that "AAK" means "asleep at the keyboard." While she may appreciate my attempt at humor in asking for her help, it may very well irritate her that she has to take time to look up an unfamiliar term. 

And if I'm using an unfamiliar term in a short email, what will working on a report with me be like?! She may very well tell me, "Sorry, Chris, wish I could help, but I'm ADBB for the day."

"ADBB" means "all done bye bye."

 

Embracing My Inner Grinch: My Biggest Holiday Party Pet Peeve

This is that time of year when we attend a seemingly endless parade of holiday get-togethers: with coworkers, friends who have moved away and come back to town, family we may not see very often throughout the year.

While I enjoy reconnecting with family and friends, I have a major pet peeve about holiday parties: being asked to bring food or drink that is just going to go to waste. 

I don't want to sound ungrateful. It's a privilege to be invited to a gathering, especially in someone's home.  I don't mind contributing, as long as my contribution is going to be put to good use. 

As a good friend of mine is fond of saying, we should all bring something to the table other than a fork. Those of us who were raised with manners know that the "proper" thing to do when we're invited to a gathering where food is going to be served is to ask the host, "Would you like for me to bring something?" 

Oftentimes, this gesture is just that - a gesture. It's like asking someone, "How are you?" You're not actually expecting them to give you a run-down of every symptom and ailment they may be experiencing at the moment; it's just a courtesy.

If the person who extended the invitation is truly in need of some item, I don't mind supplying it. I've thrown parties where I was running around trying to pull everything together at the last minute. A thoughtful guest bringing a bag of ice that I forgot to pick up in my mad dash at the grocery store made all the difference in the world so we didn't have to drink warm pop. 

But at the risk of sounding completely obnoxious, I don't think it's cool when someone asks me to bring something that clearly isn't needed just because the host wants the guests to pay a "cover charge." Sometimes well-meaning hosts ask everybody to bring something to make sure everybody is "pulling their weight" and contributing to the festivities. 

Asking guests to bring food and drink would be fine if it was a potluck. But at a party where the host supplies an overabundance of food and drink to begin with, asking people to add to this bounty as the "cost of admission" is just plain wasteful. Especially at the holidays, when we're supposed to give at least a passing thought to those who don't have enough to eat.

If I bring a bottle of wine and it's going to get opened and enjoyed, wonderful. But if you ask me to bring a dessert, which requires me to go out of my way to make a trip to the grocery store, and then that apple pie just sits unopened amid an overflowing cornucopia of sweet treats, that seems pretty pointless. And then the awkward situation arises of when I leave, should I take the unopened food item with me? Of course not. It would be bad manners to "repossess" a "gift," even one that is never going to be appreciated. 

If a host truly wants to have guests contribute, but knows in advance there is going to be enough food for leftovers anyway, how about asking everybody to bring a canned good that can be donated to a local food pantry? Wouldn't that be more in the spirit of the holidays than asking guests to bring items that are going to get thrown away?

This blog entry is part of my "Embracing My Inner Grinch" holiday series. In my last entry of the season, which I plan to publish on Friday, Dec. 19 as the holiday shopping season winds down, I'll explore some of my biggest pet peeves about retail stores and their bad business practices. And I'll be speaking from experience, since I used to work in customer service myself.

'Tis the season to be grumpy...

Did My 'Premonition' Foreshadow An Impending Zombie Attack?

Yesterday while I was running late leaving the house, a random thought crossed my mind: To save time on mornings like these when I'm rushed, I should come up with a bare-bones routine, as if I'm throwing clothes on my back while fleeing a zombie attack. 

And then another odd thing happened: driving to the office, I turned on the radio to find the DJs on a local morning radio show talking about zombies! It took me a minute to figure out they were discussing the TV show "The Walking Dead."

We all have those freaky "Psychic Friends" moments: lyrics to a song creep into your head for no apparent reason, and then you turn on the radio to hear that exact song playing. Or, you start thinking about someone you haven't seen in a while and then they call or text you out of the blue.

So does my "premonition" in the shower yesterday portend a looming zombie apocalypse?

Attenion English Majors: Creative Writing Skills Translate To The 'Real' World

Are you like me, an English major for whom creative writing is your first love? I've found that with hard work, you can translate your creative-writing skills to the world of journalism and nonfiction. 

For the past several years, I've been working on a documentary titled "Lady Wrestler" that chronicles the little-known story of courageous African-American women who traveled the world as professional wrestlers in the '50s and '60s before many of the gains of the civil rights and feminist movements. 

In making the documentary "Lady Wrestler,"
I called on creative writing skills.

 

And for the past year, I've been helping businessman Raymond Lambert write his autobiography, which will chronicle his rise from a working-class upbringing in Wilmington, Del., to owning one of the nation's most successful comedy clubs - the legendary All Jokes Aside in Chicago.

As a kid, I dreamed about being an author and filmmaker who cranked out best-selling novels and hit movies. But since graduating from Ohio State with a bachelor's degree in English in '98, I've earned a living working at newspapers.  

However, I've  continued to pursue my passion for creative writing. I published a novel, "The Chloe Chronicles," and a play, "The Springtime of Our Lives." 

In telling the story of the lady wrestlers and helping Raymond to write his autobiography, my journalism skills have come into play: interviewing, researching, organizing notes, etc. But I've also called on my creative writing "genes" to get the job done.

Telling a good story, whether fictional or based on true events, is all about weaving a narrative that will engage your audience.